


DSC

by tinyarmedtrex



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: AU, FWB, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, both have lost their spouses, like 'put some of those feelings back thats too many', meeting at a support group, no clowns, so so many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:15:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22130089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyarmedtrex/pseuds/tinyarmedtrex
Summary: “They get a lot of the DSC here.”  Richie said, waving at the bartender as they sat on the stools. Eddie produced a cleaning wipe from his pants and wiped his off first, a gesture Richie found strangely endearing. “You’re a bit weird huh Eds?”“Not my fucking name.” Eddie repeated, sitting as he finally judged the seat to be clean enough. Then he scrutinized the small drink menu. Richie tried not to laugh, knowing that it hadn’t been updated in at least a decade. Eddie’s nose scrunched as he figured that out.He put it down, ordering a Manhattan instead. “What’s DSC?” He asked, folding his hands in front of him and sitting perfectly straight. Richie was sure Eddie was judging how he curled over the bar, his elbows on it as he ate peanuts by the handful.Richie finished chewing before answering. “Dead Spouse Club.”Or, Richie and Eddie meet in a support group for people with deceased spouses and try to figure out how they’re supposed to move on from tragedy.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 131
Kudos: 292





	1. Chapter 1

Richie was watching the new guy. He hadn’t said anything all night, just sat there, hands neatly folded in his lap, listening while other people talked. They offered to let him speak between each person but he refused. He’d given only the briefest of introductions and after that didn’t speak again, only shaking his head when anyone addressed him. 

He was cute, Richie distantly decided. Cute but a little uptight. A compact guy who clearly worked out. Richie would have bet that they guy could manhandle him- if Richie was looking. He wasn’t though, not yet. Not for a long time. Richie turned his gaze away, trying to listen as Mrs. Henderson told the same about her deceased husband and his war with the neighborhood cat for the fifth time. No one minded though, or told her to hurry it up. That wasn’t the point of this. The group was there for everyone to talk about who they’d lost, to have a safe space. 

“Richie? Did you want to share?” Marcus, the group leader, asked. Richie felt several sets of eyes turn to him. For someone who loved being the center of attention he sure hated this. He hated feeling vulnerable, opening up and being honest- but that was why he was here.

He rolled his cup of long cold coffee in his hands, nodding. “Yea. I do. I finally saw Sandy’s friend today. She’s been bugging to meet up since the funeral. Our dogs are best friends.” He gave a half smile. “At least they had fun. Her and I- well, the only thing we had in common was Sandy and I still can’t talk about her.” 

He swallowed. “But it’s good right? I don’t want to forget her. I’m worried that I am. The other day I tried to remember what shade of green her eyes were and I couldn’t. Emerald? Forrest? I didn’t fucking know. I had to look at our wedding pictures. They were the same color as pickles by the way.” Someone chuckled and Richie nodded. “Romantic I know. She always told me not to say that but-” He stopped. “I guess she can’t tell me that anymore.”

Someone patted him on the shoulder as Marcus took over again, thanking all of them for coming and reminding them that there were other meetings and resources if they needed it. Everyone stood, breaking into smaller groups and folding their chairs. Richie paused, talking to some of the regulars he’d gotten to know then he wandered over to the new guy, who was having trouble fitting his chair on the stack. 

“Hey, let me help you. These chairs require a fucking PHD to figure out.” 

The guy shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets and stepping aside. 

“I’m Richie.” He added, hefting the chair up. 

“I know, I heard you share.” His voice was raspy, like he’d been crying recently. Richie understood that rasp. For nearly a month he lived off of tea with honey, trying to get his voice to sound normal again. Richie debated saying something as the guy added, “I’m Eddie.”

“I know I heard your intro.” Richie teased, making Eddie roll his eyes. “Nice to meet you Eds. Wish it was better circumstances.”

“Eddie. Not Eds.” Eddie said, ignoring the rest of what Richie said. Everyone else had filtered out, leaving them alone in the gym. “Do you - do you wanna get a drink?” Richie asked. 

Eddie’s head snapped up to him. “Are you fucking kidding me? Is this why you came over? To fucking hit on me? What, because I mentioned my husband so you knew I was gay? Is this why you come to this group? To get laid?” 

Richie held his hands up, trying not to laugh at Eddie’s overreaction. “Whoa nelly. Okay, no. None of that. Jesus, short fuse much? I wanted to know if you wanted to get a drink and talk. It helps. You didn’t share in group so I thought one on one might be better.”

Eddie deflated in front of him. “Oh. I guess I’m an asshole huh?” 

“Definitely.” Richie smiled at him and Eddie gave him a small smile back. “But I’ll still buy you a drink.”

“Why?” 

“Oldees buy newbies drinks. It’s a rule.” 

Eddie regarded him, still suspicious, but eventually he nodded. They grabbed their coats and walked to a bar that was across the street. 

“They get a lot of the DSC here.” Richie said, waving at the bartender as they sat on the stools. Eddie produced a cleaning wipe from his pants and wiped his off first, a gesture Richie found strangely endearing. “You’re a bit weird huh Eds?”

“Not my fucking name.” Eddie repeated, sitting as he finally judged the seat to be clean enough. Then he scrutinized the small drink menu. Richie tried not to laugh, knowing that it hadn’t been updated in at least a decade. Eddie’s nose scrunched as he figured that out. 

He put it down, ordering a manhattan instead. “What’s DSC?” He asked, folding his hands in front of him and sitting perfectly straight. Richie was sure Eddie was judging how he curled over the bar, his elbows on it as he ate peanuts by the handful. 

Richie finished chewing before answering. “Dead Spouse Club.” 

“Okay well that’s really fucking morbid.”

“Life dealt us a raw deal Eds, we all deal with it in different ways.”

“Still not my name.” Eddie said, but it had none of the anger he’d had before He regarded Richie like he was trying to figure out what made him tick. “I’m guessing you use humor then? Or at least whatever you think humor is.” 

“I tried booze but that’s not really a long term solution.” He said, nodding to the bartender as he passed Richie his usual brand of beer. “So yea, slightly off color humor seemed like a better plan.” He’d tried other things, too, things that he wasn’t ready to discuss with a relative stranger, even if they were in the same boat. The bartender finished looking up how to make Eddie’s drink and slid it to him. Richie watched him run his sleeve along the rim before taking a sip. 

“How long ago did she die?” Eddie asked, cradling his drink.  
“Almost a year. Car accident. Sudden and fucking awful.” Richie took a long draw after he spoke. Even after all this time it was still hard to say. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Richie shrugged. “It sucks. It gets easier then harder, then a little easier. Two steps forward one step back type of shit.” 

He paused, unsure if Eddie wanted to tell him what happened to his husband. Eddie was rolling his glass between his palms, staring at it. Richie knew that look. He sipped his beer, waiting until Eddie was ready to speak. 

“Daren- my husband- he had cancer. He went slow. We tried chemo but found out halfway through that it had spread too far. We-” Eddie stopped and Richie handed him a napkin. Eddie dabbed his eyes. His voice shook as he spoke again. “We had time to plan for it. He planned his own fucking funeral.”

“I never know what’s worse.” Richie said, talking so Eddie could recover. “Drawn out or sudden.”

“Drawn out was rough. I watched him get weaker every day. Eventually he couldn’t walk, then he couldn’t talk.” Eddie stopped as a sob caught in his throat. Richie waited, drinking his beer. “ **It just… hurt** . It fucking hurt. Even now. I wake up every day thinking he’s going to be in bed next to me, ready to make plans for the weekend or complain about whatever crazy thing his mother said on Facebook.” 

“How long ago did he go?”

“Two months. My therapist, she said I needed to talk to other people who had gone through the same thing. That’s why I came tonight but I couldn’t speak. Listening to everyone else, that was hard enough. There’s so much loss there. I don’t know how people go back and listen to everyone over and over.” 

Richie nodded. “You’re right, sometimes going there is really damn depressing but I promise, it does help. It fucking sucks, everyday, but it’s the one place that I don’t have to act like I’m okay. Its once a week where I don’t have to pretend that I’m not on the verge of a breakdown every time I see something that reminds me of her. That’s why we go back, because no one else understands.” 

Eddie was quiet for a minute. Richie wanted to add more, he was itching to explain that at the support group was the first time he’d cried. And it was the only place he could admit that he still bought her coffee even though he hated it. The people there understood when no one else did. But he resisted, he had the sense that Eddie was someone who needed quiet to think- the exact opposite of Richie, who wanted to talk through every thought that passed through his head. 

After a minute Eddie took a shuddering breath and then nodded. “That does sound nice.” He admitted.

“And you don’t even have to worry about ugly crying. No one cares if you get snot all over, they’ll still hug you.”

The nose wrinkle returned. “Gross.”

“Sometimes you need a good snotty cry.” 

Eddie nodded. “I understand that, I guess.” He went quiet and Richie waited for him to collect his thoughts. “I just- what I’m going through, I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to explain that I can’t convince myself to wash Daren’s dirty socks because then I’ll have to decide where to put them. I haven’t even thrown out his stupid expensive oat milk. I break down every time I try.”

“I still have Sandy’s clothes. They smell like her.” He sighed. “There’s no rulebook for this. You do whatever you need to get through the day and then you wake up and do it again and again until it hurts less. I couldn’t even say her name for the first month. Now I just let a single sexy tear roll down my cheek as I say it.” 

Eddie smiled. Richie clapped a hand on his back. “Keep coming. Even if you don’t talk. It helps.” 

“I’ll think about it.” Eddie looked up, glancing at the time. “I need to go though, I’ve got a dog to let out.”

“I’ve heard that excuse before.” Richie joked but Eddie lifted his phone, showing a picture of a handsome man cradling a border collie. “Daren and Sophie.” 

“Give me your phone.” Richie said, surprised when Eddie gave it to him without asking why. Richie added his number. “Text me if you need anything. I’m serious.” 

“Richie DSC. Great.” Eddie said, taking another quick sip before standing up. Richie gave a quick wave goodbye before turning back to his beer. He didn’t expect Eddie to call him but he wanted him to have the option that week.

To his shock he got a text the next night, around 9 pm.

_ ‘Can I call you -Eddie’ _

_ ‘Anytime’  _

Richie’s phone rang almost instantly. “Hey Eds.”

“Eddie.” Richie could hear the strain in his voice. 

“What’s shaking?”

Eddie took a second to reply. “That milk I told you about? I need to throw it out. It spoiled and it’s stinking up the whole damn refrigerator and so I have to throw it out but I fucking can’t. I can’t. Every time I grab it I start fucking bawling and I-” A whoosh of air rushed out. “I need fucking help.” 

“What’s your address?” Richie asked, already pulling on a coat.

“You don’t need to come over, it’s not- I’ll figure it out. I’m fine.”

“Send my your address Eds, it’s fine.” 

“Richie-”

“ _ Eddie _ .”

“Fine.” Eddie hung up and a second later Richie got a text with a surprisingly close address. He drove over to some fancy townhouses, only getting a little lost as he tried to find Eddie’s house. Eventually he took a guess and rang the doorbell, hearing a dog barking as he did. 

“Sophie! Stop it!” He heard Eddie yell from behind the door. A second later it opened, revealing a very different Eddie. Yesterday he’d been in a sweater vest and buttoned shirt, looking very professional. Today, he was in plaid pajama pants and a black fitted sweater. Richie found himself debating what look he liked more as Eddie ushered him inside.

“You really didn’t have to drive all the way over here.” He said, still holding the dog’s collar.

Richie bent down, letting her smell his hand. “We’re nearly neighbors Eds. Plus, we gotta help each other out. I’m guessing you didn’t call any of your regular friends?” He glanced up, seeing Eddie shake his head.

“Bill and Audra- they’re great but I, I’d feel insane if I called them.”

Sophie bumped his hand with her head, giving him permission to start petting. 

“Exactly. So let me help you. Show me this awful fake milk.”

Eddie lead him to the kitchen while Richie looked around. Everything was spotless, not a thing out of place or a spec of dust. It was almost clinical. Richie wondered if it was a side effect of Daren’s cancer or just how Eddie was. 

“Here.” Eddie opened the fridge, seeing an array of health foods, and some medications that he also clearly hadn’t been able to throw out. “I read that being vegan could help, cutting out lactose. So we tried alternative milks and this was his favorite.” Richie could already see tears forming.

“Can you pick it up?” Richie asked quietly, bending down to pet Sophie again. 

It took a second but Eddie nodded, reaching in and grabbing the carton. Tears were rolling down his cheeks now but he did it. 

“Did you guys drink it together?” Richie asked quietly.

“I tried but It’s like drinking fucking oatmeal. I hated it. He used to tease me, take a drink of it and then kiss me. It was so gross.” Eddie shook his head slightly but Richie could see the smile. Eddie’s fingers curled around the carton as he started to cry in earnest. Richie was up in an instant, pulling Eddie into a tight hug and letting the smaller man cry on his shoulder. His tears lasted about ten minutes before Eddie pulled back, looking alarmed.

“Shit, I got snot all over you. Let me-” Eddie moved quickly, dampening a paper towel and pressing it to Richie’s shirt before Richie could wave him off. 

“I told you, it’s one of the perks of the club.” Richie told him, looking down at Eddie’s hand pressed to his chest. It was the most someone had touched him in a long time. “Now listen, we have to get rid of this nasty milk. We can dump out the milk and put the carton back, that’s okay. Whatever you need to do is okay. What do you want to do?” 

Eddie looked back down at the carton, considering. “I want to get rid of it.” He took a deep breath and went to the sink, pouring it down the drain and running the water. Richie watched as he washed out the plastic container then threw it away. Eddie’s shoulders hunched as he did it, it was obvious how hard it was for him.

Once he was done Richie stood, putting a hand on Eddie’s shoulder.

“Baby steps.” He said. 

“Baby steps.” Eddie agreed. He took another breath and turned to look at Richie. “Do you want to stay? Have a drink and watch some shitty tv?” What Eddie didn’t say, didn’t need to say, was that he didn’t want to be alone after that. Richie understood the feeling, the feeling of needing someone else around, even if you didn’t really want to talk. 

So he nodded. “I’d love to.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were quiet for a minute then Eddie spoke again, his voice so quiet that Richie had to lean in to hear him. “What if we did it?” 
> 
> “Did what, Eds?” Richie looked into his bottle before draining the last few drops. “Got another drink?” 
> 
> Eddie shook his head. “Slept together.” 

“So I had my first date as a widow. Not even porn hub wants to touch that fetish.” Richie said, leaning forward in the chair so his elbows were on his knees. He wanted to let his head drop into his hands but knew he’d be chided for being too hard to hear. But honestly Richie didn’t want to talk about this, even with the group. He’d been dreading going back to this part of his life, to first dates and awkward conversation. He missed the comfort of a long term relationship, the ease of knowing what someone wanted and not needing to explain himself.

But as much as the thought of first dates scared him, being alone seemed even worse. He was sick of the empty bed that still had Sandy’s indent. He needed to get back out there, even if he failed miserably at it.

He took a long breath before he continued, staring at the floor.

“It went- well it went as well as you’d expect. Someone from work set me up. Seemed to think it was time for me to get back in the saddle.” He shook his head. “Well, I showed them. Started the date with a panic attack and ended it by bawling as I told him about how Sandy’s shampoo smelled.” 

Richie raised his head, looking at the group. “Think I have a shot at a second date?” 

“Richie, we’ve talked about using humor to deflect.” Marcus gently reminded him.

“Don’t take my humor doc, it’s all I’ve got.” Marcus fixed him with a look and Richie nodded. “Fine. Okay. It started with me waiting in my car till I could breath again. I was twenty minutes late as I tried to convince my heart to stay in my chest. I don’t think the guy thought I was worth the wait.” 

Richie closed his eyes, remembering how much it had taken for him to go inside the restaurant. Then the look that his date had given him when he’d finally slid into the booth. He’d been annoyed, Richie couldn’t blame him, and his explanation about traffic had clearly been a lie. 

“We sat down. I ordered the burger. He told me that red meat killed people. I told him a car accident was way more efficient.” He shrugged, looking around the small circle. “Yea, he didn’t laugh either. We talked about how we spend weekends. He does crossfit and I stare at a wall and try not to think about my dead wife.”

Richie sucked in a breath of air, shaking his head. 

“I had true love. I had the one I wanted to spend my life with. Losing her-” He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat. “It was like losing a limb. I went on living, I managed, but I had to relearn how to do everything without that crucial piece. I taught myself how to live without that limb. For a long time I just survived and now- now I’m used to living without that limb and I’m not sure I want something else to replace it.”

“Richie, you know you don’t have to date- now or ever- but one bad date doesn’t mean that you need to give up.” Marcus said. A few others nodded. 

He nodded, waving for someone else to speak. He didn’t want to talk anymore, to try and explain how he felt. Somewhere in his gut the date had felt like he was cheating on Sandy, even though he knew she would want him to be happy, she would tell him that he needed someone for his octopus cuddles and to make sure he didn’t burn the toast. But he didn’t know how to open up to someone again, how to start over. Emotions swirled in him and Richie missed everyone else’s shares, too wrapped up in his own head.

The worst part was how fucking horny he was. Richie and Sandy had gone at it like rabbits, both of them loved experimenting and trying new things. Richie missed sex and the intimacy of the experience. He thought about one night stands, picking someone up at a bar, but he knew it wouldn’t be enough. It would scratch the itch but it wouldn’t really solve anything in the long run. 

“Drink?” Eddie asked as the meeting ended. His big eyes watched Richie carefully, like he was prepared for Richie to refuse.

Eddie had been coming for a few months now, had even started sharing every once in a while. Richie knew everything was still raw for him but he was impressed how far the other man had come in such a short time. He’d spent the last weekend helping Eddie box up Daren’s stuff, packing it safely away until Eddie was ready for the next step- whatever that happened to be. It had been mostly Eddie doing the packing, Richie had sat on his king bed with the dog, watching him and providing the occasional quip. That seemed to be all Eddie wanted, for someone else to be there and listen to him complain about how much Daren had loved plaid and Richie had been more than happy to provide that. Being with Eddie was one of the only times Richie didn’t miss Sandy, didn’t think about what she would say or how she would laugh. He always felt guilty after but it was really fucking nice to laugh again. 

Richie nodded gratefully. “Please.” 

They made their way over to the bar. A few others from the meeting waved at them, inviting them to join their table, but both shook their heads, instead sitting at the bar. Within a few minutes they each had their drink of choice, both of them sipping but not speaking yet. 

Richie smiled as Eddie took a drink of his manhattan. After his third bad drink Eddie had hopped behind the bar, insisting on showing the bartender how to make it properly. Richie had been impressed by his guts - and sure that the man was going to spit it in when he finished. He didn't though, he seemed as awed by Eddie as Richie was. 

More than once Richie had wondered what it would have been like to meet Eddie under different circumstances. If they hadn’t both been mourning, if both hadn’t lost their other halves. He thought they could have had something. Something real that wasn’t surrounded by loss and grief. 

“Why’d you go on the date? If you weren’t ready?” Eddie asked, spinning to face him. 

“Well, Eds, sometimes a man has urges that his hand alone can’t cure.” 

Eddie shook his head, immune to Richie’s deflections. “Hire a sex worker then.” 

Richie gaped at him. He thought he knew Eddie but then the man would say something like that, something so progressive and out of left field, and Richie would wonder if he knew Eddie at all. 

“I want a connection, Eds. I don’t want sex just for sex.” He rolled the beer bottle between his palms. 

“I don’t know. I never thought about that connection before but now-” He sighed. “I don’t want to hook up with a stranger.” 

“Have you? Since Sandy?” 

“Once.” It had been a few months after she died and Richie had gotten drunk at a bar. He’d gone to her apartment and they’d fooled around, eventually had sex. He’d left after, not even bothering to wake her up. He glanced at Eddie. “You?”

Eddie didn’t look at him as he nodded. “Someone at work. I knew he liked me. I asked him to help me with the copier and- I was lonely. Sleeping in that big bed alone, it got to me.” 

Richie understood that, he’d slept on the couch for the first month, unable to be in the bed he’d shared with her. “What happened?”

“I freaked out.” Eddie shook his head. “He kissed me and I just- I freaked out. I couldn’t breath. I had a panic attack and had to go to the hospital. Shockingly, he didn’t wait for me.” 

“Cheers to dating.” Richie raised his bottle and waited for Eddie to clink against it.

They were quiet for a minute then Eddie spoke again, his voice so quiet that Richie had to lean in to hear him. “What if we did it?” 

“Did what, Eds?” Richie looked into his bottle before draining the last few drops. “Got another drink?” 

Eddie shook his head. “Slept together.” 

Richie did a double take, sure he’d misheard. “You think- what?” 

“Hear me out.” Eddie’s voice was a little stronger, determined. “We’re friends. I trust you. We both want- a release and to not sleep in an empty bed every night. I can’t date, Richie. The thought of it makes my skin crawl, but I need- someone. I need to be touched. I think I’m going to go crazy otherwise.” 

It was obvious that Eddie had thought about this. The words were rehearsed, like he had the points in his head. Richie tried to stammer out a reply, to say ‘thanks but no thanks’ but Eddie was standing, putting down money for both of their drinks.

“Think about it. I won’t be mad if you say no but- at least actually think about it. Please. I think- you’re the only one I could do this with, Richie.” 

Then Eddie pressed a kiss to Richie’s cheek, something he’d started doing recently. Richie had a habit of bumping against Eddie, of throwing an arm around him and pulling him close. The cheek kiss was Eddie’s response to it. The first time it happened it had thrown him so badly that he’d tripped, ending up with a scraped chin. Since then he’d gotten used to it, to occasional casual affection from the other man. 

Eddie left and Richie ordered another beer, trying not to think about it. But the idea of it kept creeping into his mind, what it would be like to touch someone again, to be touched. Thought about how it would feel to cum from something other than his hand or a vibrator.

And he thought about Sandy, about whether he could do this to her. Even if he knew she wouldn’t care- hell she’d probably encourage it, telling Richie that keeping his dick tucked away was criminal- he still wasn’t sure he could do it. 

But Eddie was right, doing it with him was far less terrifying than doing it with anyone else. He trusted Eddie, knew that they could talk about it, make it work. And Richie did find him attractive, he found his eyes lingering on Eddie’s thighs, wondering what it would be like to kiss them. 

He took a long drink, still debating. Could he do this? Richie had never been the type to do casual. He wanted the long term, the life companion, but he wasn’t ready for another one of those. Maybe, until he was, this was just what he needed. 

Eventually Richie knew he needed to go home. He worked hard to not become a bar fly, someone who stayed there to avoid the crushing silence of his house. Usually he succeeded.

Crawling into his cold, empty bed convinced him. He wanted someone else there, someone to pull close and wake up next to. Eddie was right. They could trust each other. They knew what this was and why they both needed it. Richie wasn’t ready to date and he didn't know when he would be but this, this was safe. 

The next morning when he woke up he texted Eddie just one word-  _ Yes _ . 

Eddie replied almost immediately, asking Richie if he wanted to come over for breakfast. It was Saturday morning and he didn’t have any other plans. He dressed, not knowing if this was their first booty call. He decided to assume that it wasn’t, knowing Eddie he would want tests and a signed contract before they even kissed. Still, Richie put in more effort than he normally did, dabbing on cologne and taming his hair. It never hurt to be prepared. On his drive over he tried not to imagine what Eddie’s lips would be like, how he would sound in bed. 

Sophie greeted Richie first, bounding up to him as he opened the door. 

“Hi girl,” He said, bending down to scratch between her ears. “Where’s your daddy?” 

The word made him pause. He had no idea what Eddie liked in the bedroom. He had a sense that the tightly buttoned man was kinkier than he let on but he didn’t know if one of those was a daddy kink. There was a wide world of possibilities. 

“I’m in here.” Eddie called from the kitchen. Richie kicked off his shoes, following the voice. Eddie was in the middle of making pancakes, batter to his right and a plate of finished ones on the left. He was dressed casually, wearing sweatpants and a worn t-shirt. It made Richie’s breath hitch. He may have underestimated his attraction to the man. Now though, knowing what they would be doing eventually, it broke down the barriers he’d built. 

“Do you need any help?” Richie asked, needing something to do besides watch Eddie. 

Eddie gestured behind him. “I think the coffee is ready.”

Richie nodded, moving in a now practiced motion. He had spent many weekend mornings at Eddie’s, usually going on a walk with him and Sophie after. 

Both of them liked having someone else there. 

They worked quietly. The only thing on Richie’s mind was their arrangement and all the ways they could fuck up their friendship. 

But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to try. Despite all his worries and all the reasons not too he wanted this.

Finally they were sitting down at Eddie’s small table. Richie sat to Eddie’s left, knowing that Daren had always sat across from him. He tried to avoid stepping on Daren’s memory in any way- another potential issue with this arrangement. There was no way to have sex in Eddie’s bed without reminding him of his husband and what they’d done. 

“Here’s what I’m thinking,” Eddie said, finally looking up at Richie as he buttered his toast. “We need some ground rules. For example, we should both get STD tests and no sleeping with someone else unless we tell the other person.”

“You wanna write up a sex contract, Eds? Spell it all out?” Richie was growing warm just thinking about the implications of this. Despite his jokes he’d never done something like this. Eddie was so cool and methodical and he felt like a teen again, nervous and sweaty.

“I want to be on the same page.” Eddie insisted. “This is a weird situation and I want to be comfortable.” 

He nodded, trying to summon all of his adult skills to take this as seriously as Eddie was. “What’s off limits?”

Eddie cocked his head, silently asking Richie to explain more. 

“Like, anyplace you don’t want to be touched, anything you don’t want to do?” 

“Oh.” Eddie flushed slightly, making Richie feel better. Eddie may be good at talking about the vague parts but the actual act seemed to fluster him. “I guess- nothing too kinky to start? I don’t want a gag or anything.”

The image of Eddie gagged came to Richie’s mind and he shifted in his chair.

“Okay, same. I know you hate my mouth but it’s not getting stuffed with anything.” He grinned. “Besides that ass.” 

Eddie flushed deeper. “You- like that?” 

He nodded. “If you do.” 

This was easier for him, talking about sex acts instead of the rules they had to follow. 

“I don’t know. Daren didn’t- we didn’t do that.” 

“One step at a time then.” Richie leaned back, taking a sip of coffee and feeling slightly relieved. He could do this, knowing that Eddie wasn’t totally sure helped but he thought they could talk about it. That was something. They talked over other details- what they liked and didn't like, what questions they had. They ended up moving to the couch, sitting on opposite sides with Sophie between them and Richie wishing all relationships started like this. He knew more about Eddie’s bedroom preferences than anyone else he’s been with- besides Sandy but that had taken months of hard work to learn those. 

“So we’ll get tested and then- start.” Richie said, standing up. Sophie followed, certain that she was getting a walk out of this deal. 

“Actually um-” Eddie stood too, blushing again. “We could do something now? Just so we know we’re compatible.” 

This man was going to kill him. Richie was sure of it. Eddie Kaspbrak with his buttoned up sweater and dockers was going to send Richie to an early grave by just talking about sex. 

“I thought you wanted to wait until you knew we were clean.” Richie wasn’t sure he wanted to start now. Thoughts swirled in his mind and he wanted a chance to clear them out. 

“I was thinking just-” Eddie swallowed and Richie swore that his eyes grew darker and damn if that wasn’t a turn on. “A hand job.” 

“So you wanna shake on it, of sorts.” 

He laughed as Eddie hit him. 

“Nevermind, I changed my mind I hate you.” He said, pretending to turn away.

Richie’s hand shot out, grabbing Eddie’s arm and pulling him close. They ended up closer than he meant, both very much in the other’s space. He could see the flecks of green in Eddie’s brown eyes and suddenly his concerns disappeared. He didn’t want to wait another minute. 

“If you’re sure-” Richie started but Eddie was already reaching up, putting a hand on the back of Richie’s neck to pull him into a surprisingly gentle kiss. Richie always assumed that a friends-with-benefits situation would be all passion and heat, ripping the other’s clothes off the minute you were alone. Eddie’s kiss though, it was chaste and cautious, testing the waters to see how Richie would respond. 

It had been a long time since Richie had kissed someone but he was reminded how much he missed it. The connection of lips, the perfect closeness to another human. He leaned into it, his hand going to the small of Eddie’s back and bringing him a little closer.

When Eddie sighed into his mouth he was done for. It was a soft and content noise, like Eddie had been waiting for this and it met every expectation. 

“Should we go somewhere without an audience?” Eddie asked, glancing down at Sophie, who was still eagerly waiting for her walk. Richie nodded, letting Eddie take his hand and lead him to the bedroom. This was the room he was in the least. Pictures of Eddie and Darren decorated the walls, including a big one from their wedding. Eddie noticed when Richie’s eyes caught on it. 

“Is that weird? Should I take it down?”

Richie shook his head, drawing Eddie’s hand to his mouth, kissing his fingers. “No, I’m okay if you are.”

Eddie glanced at the picture once more then back at Richie, nodding. “He would understand.” 

Eddie led them to the bed, pushing Richie down and crawling onto his lap. “You have to tell me if any of this is too much. I want to keep the lines of communication open.”

“Okay, Marcus.” He teased, knowing that Eddie had stolen that line from their fearless leader. Eddie rolled his eyes as Richie looked up at him, dragging a hand over his chest. “Eds, this is all too much but I don’t want to stop.”

“Fair enough.” Eddie leaned back down, kissing him again. This one had more urgency, Eddie’s mouth moved over Richie, parting his lips to deepen the kiss. Richie moaned into it, especially as their tongues danced against each other. Sandy had always been an intense kisser, grabbing Richie and pulling him wherever she wanted to go, and Eddie was similar, his tongue sliding urgently over Richie’s. 

Richie’s hands skidded over Eddie’s back, broad and firm. It had been a long time since he’d been with a man and he’d forgotten the differences. Eddie smelled different, musky with cologne and sweat. He was firm under Richie’s hands, no dip in the hips or softness as Richie’s hands roamed to the chest. 

Then the real difference. Richie’s hand slowly slid to Eddie’s crotch, palming him through his jeans. The action made Eddie moan as Richie felt his dick leap to attention. 

“Do you want me to touch you, Eds?” Richie asked, breaking the kiss before pressing his lips to Eddie’s neck. 

“Yes, god.” Eddie bucked under his hand, seeking more pressure. 

“Do you have lube?” If this was a try out of sorts Richie wanted to ace it. 

Eddie nodded, sliding off him and to the side table, returning with a small bottle before moving back onto Richie’s lap. Richie popped the button of Eddie’s pants, slowly pulling the zipper down. He’d decided to leave most of Eddie’s clothes on. That way, if either of them freaked out, it would be less embarrassing to leave, no shameful gathering of clothes or covering of flesh. 

A hiss escaped Eddie as Richie reached for him, pulling his erection out of the confines of his clothes. He wasn’t fully hard yet so Richie swiped a thumb over the head before squirting lube on his hand and starting to stroke.

“Fuck.” Eddie rocked against him, pressing his forehead to Richie’s. “That feels- really fucking good. Just a little faster-”

Richie compiled, feeling Eddie grow under in his hand. His pants were getting louder too, broken moans as Richie’s hand sped up. 

“Shit, I- I’m gonna-” Eddie tensed as he came, spurting over Richie’s hand and his pants. It was sexy, Richie couldn’t deny that he was turned on. He liked how flush Eddie was, how his chest heaved and how it took him a second to recover.

Then he was looking down at the bulge in Richie’s pants. His eyes flicked up. “Do you want me to-” He pressed his palm over Richie, making him inhale sharply. 

“Yes. Shit. If you want to.” 

Eddie nodded, shifting off Richie to sit next to him. Slowly, cautiously, Eddie started to pull Richie out too. 

“It’s not a bomb.” He gritted out as Eddie held him. “You don’t have to disarm me by cutting the red wire.” 

“You sure? This thing could be a weapon.” Eddie said, looking down at Richie’s erection. 

He wheezed out a laugh. “You sure know how to make a guy feel special.” 

“Give me a second and I’ll make you feel even better.” Eddie added some lube to his hands and ran them over Richie, one hand playing with his balls and the other moving slowly over his shaft. Just the feeling of having someone else touch him so carefully nearly set him over the edge. 

“Fuck- Eds-” He gritted out, throwing his head back as Eddie’s hand sped up. He felt a tentative kiss on his cheek then neck, quick urgent kisses that matched his movement. 

“Do you like this, Richie? You’ve got to tell me if there’s anything you want.” Eddie was practically purring and Richie’s mind blanked as he came, hard, his hips thrusting up into Eddie’s hand and biting his lip. 

When he came back and when he opened his eyes Eddie’s was smiling at him in a perfectly happy, sated way.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve done that.”

“Me too.” Richie fell back on the bed. “At least with someone else.” 

Eddie got up, returning with baby wipes and fell next to him, handing one to Richie. They cleaned up quietly and Richie wasn’t sure if it was a silence of awkwardness or contentment. 

“So did-” Richie started. 

“Do you-” Eddie asked at the same time. 

“You first.” Eddie said, sitting up and glancing at him. Richie wanted to reach up and run a hand through his hair, maybe pull him down into a kiss but that still felt off limits. 

“Did I pass the sex-dition?” 

Eddie smiled and nodded. “I’m satisfied with my service. You?” 

He chuckled. “Yea, me too.”

Richie’s mind was already wandering to do this again, with fewer clothes and more time. He’d always wondered what Eddie looked like without a shirt on. 

“What were you going to ask me?” 

“Do you want to come on a walk with me and Sophie? She loves when you walk her.”

“That’s because I let her pull me to every damn fire hydrant.” Richie replied as he sat up. “I’d love to.” He was secretly relieved that he was still invited, that the new situation hadn’t changed their friendship. 

“Great, then let’s go, before she decides that my shoes are an acceptable toilet.” Eddie stood, reaching a hand for Richie. 

This could be the start of something good, Richie decided. He liked Eddie and they both needed this. It could work. 

He took Eddie’s hand. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, what are you doing Friday?” Eddie asked, picking out a new shirt.
> 
> Richie got up, searching for his underwear in the pile of discarded fabric. “Oh I’ve got big plans. Netflix and take out. Why?”
> 
> “My friends, Audra and Bill, are having an anniversary party and said I could bring someone. I was wondering if you would come.”
> 
> Richie paused. He’d heard a lot about Bill and how he was Eddie’s best friend but they’d never met.
> 
> “Why?” Richie finally asked, knowing he’d been silent for a beat too long.
> 
> Eddie wrung his hands, wrinkling the shirt. “It’s going to be all happy couples, dancing, laughing. I just- I don’t want to be alone. You don’t have to come, it was dumb that I asked.” Eddie started to turn away but Richie grabbed his shoulder. 

“Richie! Yes-  _ fuck _ !” Eddie threw his head back as he rode Richie, grinding down on him and chasing his orgasm. Richie couldn’t help but stare. If he found Eddie attractive normally, it had at least tripled since they’d started having sex. Seeing how he looked when he came, knowing that Richie had been the reason for it, it was utterly intoxicating. 

They’d been doing this for about six weeks, moving quickly from hand jobs to blow jobs to mind blowing sex. Richie had expected Eddie to want to go slower but it seemed like once Richie was in, Eddie was ready to go. 

“Faster,  _ fuck _ !” Richie snapped back to it, his hand moving faster over Eddie as his hips pushed up. He watched as Eddie gasped then came, spurting over Richie’s stomach and hand. God, Richie loved the face he made, the look of utter shock then pleasure.

Then there was the look Eddie gave Richie once he came down from his orgasm. He grinned down at him, only whining once from the overstimulation. “Now you.” Eddie said, starting to slowly roll his hips again. “Come on Richie, come for me.”

Every part of Richie wanted to obey that command, especially with how Eddie said it, sweetly but as an order. He nearly blacked out as he came, grabbing Eddie’s hips and crying out. 

Once he was done, he opened his eyes, finding a very satisfied looking Eddie on top of him. Richie wasn’t sure he could move. He felt boneless in the best way. 

“Shit Eds, you’re going to kill me.” 

The other man laughed, crawling off of Richie and grabbing the wet wipes. He cleaned off Richie, wiping off his stomach and tying up the condom with near clinical efficiency. Then he crawled next to Richie, positioning himself against Richie’s side. All of it was done so matter of factly, like Eddie was following a mental checklist. Richie had teased him for it at first, until Eddie snapped back that it made sense, dispose then repose. Richie had teased him even more after that. 

“This is a release, remember? I expect my release.” Eddie replied, kissing Richie’s cheek. Moments like that made Richie wonder if that was true. Sometimes he felt like a stand in for Daren, someone that Eddie could pretend was his husband, just for a minute. Other times though, Eddie would say something that felt like it was meant for him, that told Richie this wasn’t just earth-shattering sex. 

He blinked, trying to vanish the thought. The more time he spent with Eddie, the more he found himself thinking about the other man. At some point, Eddie had replaced Sandy as the person Richie fell asleep thinking about. He refused to think about why that was. They’d both been clear about what they wanted- a warm body in bed. Richie didn't want to ruin that with stupid emotions. 

Eddie lay back, pulling Richie’s arm around him. It was another part of their agreement, that they could cuddle after. Eddie hadn’t said it but Richie had the impression that Daren had been very pro-cuddle and that Eddie missed it. Another thing that complicated their arrangement. If it had been just sex, if Eddie had pushed Richie out of bed the second he came, the line for what they were would have been clearer. Instead though, Eddie would curl up next to him, playing with his chest hairs as they both dozed. It unlocked something deep and new in Richie, something that he’d buried, assuming he’d never have it again. Even thinking about that, about opening up to someone new, it still felt like betraying Sandy. But that thought didn’t keep him from wrapping an arm around Eddie and kissing the top of his head. 

“The meeting is starting soon.” He mumbled, running his fingers over Eddie’s shoulder. The man sighed happily, nestling closer to Richie. They may not have been doing this for long but Richie quickly figured out what Eddie liked, how he wanted to be touched. Some things were off limits, still too close to something Daren would do. Richie had learned that the second time they’d slept together, when he’d nipped at Eddie’s thigh and the man had completely frozen. Richie had been worried he’d hurt Edde but a second later he spoke. 

“Not there.” He muttered, tears already forming in his eyes. “Daren would- he’d-”

Richie had nodded, running a hand over the skin instead and trying to calm Eddie down. Eventually they’d picked up again, Eddie coming back with the same fierceness Richie had grown to adore. Eddie poured everything into sex, acting like it was a workout, his own personal marathon. Richie wished they had some tenderness too, a moment to just enjoy each other, but Eddie moved too fast for it. 

“Can’t miss a precious meeting.” Eddie replied, not opening his eyes. “How long do people usually go to them? Is there a time limit?” 

Eddie still didn’t find the group as valuable as Richie, he was always reluctant to go and open up but Richie insisted. Some days it was the only thing that held him together and Richie wasn’t eager to find out what he would use to get through the day without it. It would be too easy it would be to fall back into old habits, using alcohol or drugs to numb the pain. He still didn’t remember the first few months without Sandy, lost to a haze of cheap liquor and any drugs he could get his hands on. The only reason he’d made it through was his friends and even they weren’t strong enough for a second round of it.

Not that he had told Eddie any of that. He couldn’t. He’d seen how people looked at him when he explained it, the judgement, the realization of how weak he was. He hated it, hated the pity mixed with condescension. He couldn’t handle that from Eddie. 

So instead, he used the humor route, pinching Eddie’s bicep. “Eds, without that meeting you never would have met me. Your next great lay.” 

Eddie opened one eye, swatting at him. “But now I have you. Are you saying I might find another you? Because one is enough.”

He laughed, ducking his head to kiss Eddie. “No way, I’m one of a kind, baby.” 

Eddie hummed into the kiss, shifting so he was laying on top of Richie. “That’s right.” He rolled his hips down, making Richie’s spent dick give a half hearted twitch. “And we’re all grateful for that.” Eddie added, mouthing at Richie’s neck.

“I can’t do round two now, Eds. After-”

“After the meeting. I know.” Eddie got off Richie, picking up his clothes and throwing the used ones in the laundry bag.

“Hey, what are you doing Friday?” Eddie asked, picking out a new shirt.

Richie got up, searching for his underwear in the pile of discarded fabric. “Oh I’ve got big plans. Netflix and take out. Why?”

“My friends, Audra and Bill, are having an anniversary party and said I could bring someone. I was wondering if you would come.”

Richie paused. He’d heard a lot about Bill and how he was Eddie’s best friend but they’d never met.

“Why?” Richie finally asked, knowing he’d been silent for a beat too long.

Eddie wrung his hands, wrinkling the shirt. “It’s going to be all happy couples, dancing, laughing. I just- I don’t want to be alone. You don’t have to come, it was dumb that I asked.” Eddie started to turn away but Richie grabbed his shoulder. 

“Are you sure you want to bring me?” He asked cautiously. This felt like a date and he knew other people would think the same thing.

“I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather go with.”

Good enough for Richie. He nodded. “Okay yea, shit I’ll go. What do we bring? Does it need to be in theme? I know the five year gift is wood. I’ve got plenty of that.” 

“God, shut up.” Eddie laughed then thought for a second. “Wine should be fine. You know, a normal gift?”

“Nothing about me is normal, baby.” Richie said, tickling Eddie’s sides and kissing him. Eddie pushed him away for only a second before melting into it, nipping at Richie’s bottom lip and pushing him against the wall. They were late for the meeting. 

The week passed quickly. Richie saw Eddie two other times that week, once for a meeting and once for sex. He asked a bit more about the party, what he was supposed to wear, how many people it would be. Eddie didn’t seem to know but he did direct Richie to wear a blue shirt he liked. 

On Friday, Richie was determined to be early. This was important to Eddie and he didn’t want to stress the guy out any more than he already was. Of course, Richie’s ten minute buffer quickly shrank to zero so it was exactly 5:30 when he rang Eddie’s doorbell. 

“Shit, you’re on time. And you look great.” Eddie said, reaching out and smoothing down Richie’s collar. “Who knew.” He added with a small smile. 

“I show up on time for important things.” Richie replied. 

“Like a friend of a friend’s anniversary party?” Eddie teased, grabbing his coat before glancing at him again. “I really appreciate you coming. I’m not sure I could handle this thing alone.” 

“I’m here for you.” Richie said, reaching for Eddie’s hand and squeezing it. Eddie gave him a small smile as they walked to the car. 

The party was every bit as exhausting as Eddie had said it would be. Bill and Audra had rented a fancy room in a hotel and it was decorated with photos of them, the biggest one was them and their wedding party, with Eddie as the best man front and center. “Wow Eddie, short people stick together, huh?” Richie said as Eddie explained who each person was. Bill, the man of the hour, only had an inch or two on Eddie.

“Average fucking height.” Eddie muttered. Then stopped, looking like he’d been shot. Richie followed his gaze and saw another photo from the wedding. This one was Eddie and Daren, grinning at the camera and holding each other. 

“Let’s get you drunk.” Richie muttered, putting a hand on Eddie’s arm.

“You always know just what to say.” Eddie said, letting Richie lead him away and to the bar. “Fuck I should have realized there would be pictures of Daren. The four of us were always together. I just- I didn’t think-”

Richie pulled Eddie into a hug, annoyed that his friend had been so stupid. Eddie had been slowly taking down pictures of him and Daren, replacing them with friends or Sophie. The big wedding one above his bed was still there, plus a few others, but Eddie could look around his home without the constant reminder of who wasn’t there. 

They’d just gotten their drinks when someone came up and pulled Eddie into a tight hug. Richie recognized the man as Bill, all the photos were a dead giveaway. 

“You made it! It’s been too fucking long.” Bill said, his arm still around Eddie as he turned to Richie. “And you must be the new best friend! Eddie has told me all about you.” He reached out a hand. Richie wanted to dislike the guy but couldn’t, he had too much of a ‘boy next door’ vibe, someone that Richie could picture playing little league and being shocked when he was voted most popular in high school. 

“Hey.” He stretched out a hand, returning Bill’s warm shake. “Fancy party.”

“Yea,” Bill looked around, seeming a little embarrassed as he chuckled. “Audra wanted a big ten year party and I can never say no to her.”

“Yea, yea, you’re in love.” Eddie teased, knocking his friend’s shoulder. “These two are the perfect couple. They’re disgusting. College sweethearts who have never dated anyone else.” 

“Oh please!” Bill shook his head. “We aren’t that bad.”

Eddie gestured around. “The years of photos decorating the walls would disagree.” 

Bill laughed. “We aren’t nearly as bad as you and Daren! God, you two were always all over each other. Remember when we caught you making out in the closet during our Halloween party? You were a smurf and he was covered in blue paint.” Bill chuckled again. “I bet it took hours to get it off.”

Eddie wasn’t laughing though. He’d gone from happy and excited to withdrawn and quiet in about thirty seconds. 

“Your drink.” Richie muttered, handing Eddie his gin and tonic. Bill seemed to realize his mistake a second too late. His smile fell and he started to apologize, stuttering and tripping over his words.

“It’s okay.” Eddie said, giving him a tight lipped smile. “Go mingle.”

Thankfully, Bill seemed to understand that Eddie wanted him to leave. He gave them a wave goodbye, promising to stop back later.

Once he was gone, Eddie exhaled, downing nearly all his drink in one go. “Fuck.” He said, rubbing his face. “I knew this would be hard but-” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Richie asked. He wasn’t sure what to do. Usually Eddie didn’t want to talk, he’d clam up and refuse, but this felt different. It was impossible to escape the dead elephant in the room. 

“Bill was my best man.” Eddie said, looking up at the photos. “And I was his. He was the first person I introduced Daren to. I wanted his approval, I’ve always wanted Bill’s approval.” He swallowed thickly. “They got along disgustingly well. Bill always joked that if I didn’t marry him, they’d run off together.” Eddie chuckled, his face lighting up for a brief second. “I’d leave the room and come back to three new inside jokes they’d have to explain to me.” Eddie wiped the tears away with the back of his hand. 

“Daren sounds amazing.” It was always safe to say something like that.

Eddie nodded. “Him and Bill, they were more my family than my actual family ever was. We’d spend every holiday together, the two of them finding a new dumb way to cook the turkey. One year they decided to deep fry it. We ended up eating only sides.” Eddie’s clear sorrow permeated any joy the story had. He was quiet then, stuck in his memories. 

Richie was silent too. There was nothing to say to that. He couldn’t make it better, couldn’t do much of anything. 

He decided to go for a distraction instead. 

“Let’s dance.” Richie said, extending a hand. 

Eddie frowned. “No way. I’m terrible at dancing.”

“I have yet to see anything you’re terrible at, Kaspbrak.” Richie said, pushing his hand into Eddie’s face. “And it’ll take your mind off this for a minute. It’s at least as effective as gin, promise.”

Eddie downed the rest of his drink then took Richie’s hand, still looking deeply skeptical but allowed himself to be led to the dance floor. Richie began moving his hips, gyrating them in wide circles. It did the trick, making Eddie laugh. The other man shook his head as he slowly swung his hips back and forth.

“You’re never going to convince people to move away like that.” Richie said, grabbing Eddie and spinning them in a circle. “You want at least a four foot distance between you and the next dancer.”

A whisper of a smile creeped onto Eddie’s face. “Oh, do I? Why is that?” 

“For this.” Richie said, pulling Eddie in and dipping him. Eddie laughed, locking eyes with Richie. For a second, all Richie could think about was kissing Eddie, it felt so natural. 

He lifted Eddie before he did something stupid. Now Eddie was smiling in earnest and he was dancing less self-consciously. They moved, showing each other all the terrible dance moves they knew. 

“The shopping cart!” Richie said, pushing a pretend cart while he bent down to grab groceries, wiggling his butt. 

“The sprinkler!” Eddie put a hand behind his head, moving the other one across his field of vision. 

They were both laughing so hard that it took Richie a second to realize that the music had changed. It had melted into a slow song and Richie watched as the other couples moved closer, easily falling into the other’s arms. Everything about this night was widower kryptonite, Richie decided. 

He was about to offer to get a drink when Eddie moved in, putting his hands on Richie’s shoulders. 

“Is this okay?” Eddie asked, looking up at him with big eyes. 

He nodded, putting his hands on Eddie’s hips and held him tight.

“I haven’t danced with anyone since-” Eddie started. He didn’t need to finish the sentence.

“Me either.” 

Eddie nodded, looking at the other couples. “They don’t get it, do they? How lucky they are? They’d never understand until its too fucking late. I didn’t.” Eddie sniffled then shook his head. “Shit Richie I’m sorry, I’m so weak. Tonight is just- everywhere I look, I see him.”

“Eds,” Richie moved his hands to cup Eddie’s cheeks. Eddie squirmed but Richie held strong. He needed Eddie to hear this, to understand. He waited until Eddie’s eyes locked onto his before continuing. “You are the absolute furthest thing from weak. You went through hell, you survived the worst fucking thing imaginable, and you made it out the other end. You’re strong as hell. Emotions, missing him, they don’t make you weak. Trying to forget him would.” 

Eddie nodded, blinking his tears so they fell on Richie’s hands. “I just want to be better, you know? I want to-” Eddie swallowed, looking over Richie. “I want to be able to appreciate what’s in front of me.”

Richie’s mouth worked for a second before he could ask, “Eds, what- what are you saying?”

His eyes fell and Eddie shook his head. “Nothing. Nevermind. I- I need some air, okay?”

“Of course.” Richie dropped his hands. Then, still standing on the dance floor, he watched Eddie leave. 

He was only alone for a second though. A moment later, Bill appeared, tapping his shoulder. “Can I cut in?”

He tried to compose himself before turning around. From the brief look of concern on Bill’s face, he wasn’t sure he pulled it off. “Are you leading?” Richie asked before Bill could ask what was wrong. “Because I’m shit at it.”

“I’ll be honest, I’m not really sure what that means.” Bill said, taking Richie’s hand and starting to move along the dance floor. Richie laughed. Bill was exactly as bad at dancing as he would have guessed but it didn’t matter. The man was clearly trying to lead them to the edge of the dance floor, stopping when they reached a table. 

“Fuck, I need a drink. I spent the last hour explaining to my in-laws why Audra and I don’t have kids.”

“Why don’t you?” 

“We have a yacht and a timeshare instead.” Bill replied with a smile. 

Richie laughed, nodding. “Fair enough, man.”

“Do you want something?” Bill asked, throwing a thumb to the bartender. 

“Just a soda.” Bill cocked his head and Richie added, “I don’t think another drink is a good idea.” It sounded comforting, to have a bottle in his hand. Richie knew what that meant, that he was starting to slide again. He couldn’t let himself do that. It was so much easier to fall apart than to get put back together. 

“Fucking good for you, man. I’ll be right back.” Bill returned with a beer and a soda for Richie. He sat down, watching all his guests. Richie watched them too, thinking about how easy they had it, how their hearts weren’t torn in two, confused about how to move on from the person who meant the world to them. 

They were quiet for a minute before Bill spoke again.

“You know, Eddie is happy with you. I can tell.”

“But not as happy as he was with Daren.” Richie replied, stating what Bill didn’t. He had seen how Eddie beamed in every photo with his husband, his smile so big it lit up the whole picture. He knew how much Eddie loved Daren, it had never been in question. Tonight though, had brought it into clear focus.

“It’s a different happy.” Bill watched Richie out of the corner of his eye. “Daren was his first love, the person he tried everything with first, but you-” Bill paused for a second. “You two have a shared trauma. That’s different but no less powerful. He laughs with you. I never thought I’d see him laugh again.” 

Suddenly, Richie’s heart was beating faster. He didn’t know why. He took a long drink of his soda, wishing it was beer. 

“What are you trying to say?” Bill was Eddie’s best friend. Whatever he was doing, he must have thought it was in Eddie’s best interest. 

“I think he makes you happy too.” Bill fully turned to look at him. “And I think that’s worth a lot in this world.” 

“He’s not ready for,” Richie waved his hand around, “This.”

“You say that like it’s a ten year anniversary party or nothing, like there’s no in between.” Bill shook his head. “Eddie has always been so black and white about life. He’s an all or nothing kinda guy. Maybe you can show him the gray.” 

Richie didn’t know how to respond. A minute later, someone was pulling Bill away, dragging him back onto the dance floor with only a quick goodbye. Richie watched him and Audra dance, how happy they looked. He wanted that. He wanted to dance the funky chicken at his tenth, fifteenth, thirtieth, wedding anniversary. He’d always wanted that, the stability that came from going home to the same person, waking up with them every day. When Sandy died, he’d pushed that dream aside, trying to rearrange his life without that kind of love, but for the first time, he realized that it wasn’t as buried as he thought. Maybe it was just different. 

Richie Tozier was good with different.

He knew how Eddie made him feel. Safe, happy, heard. They’d grown close over the last few months and Richie had shared things with him that before only Sandy knew. It was obvious they had something more than friendship. He didn’t know how he’d missed it before. It had taken a good looking guy in an overly expensive suit to make him see what was right in front of his nose. 

Halfway through his revelation, Eddie appeared, offering him a shaky smile. “Ready to go?” He asked. “I don’t think I can handle any more of this. Bill will understand.” 

Richie nodded. “I already stole two pieces of cake for later.”

Eddie laughed and Richie drank it in, not sure how he had never appreciated it before. 

“We aren’t eating it in bed.” Eddie added as they started to walk out. “That’s how you get ants.”

Richie had a sudden image of Eddie spread out in bed, covered in frosting that Richie got to lick off. “Worth it.” He said. Then he did something bold. He grabbed Eddie’s hand, threading their fingers together. Despite all the time they’d spent together naked, this felt more intimate. Eddie stiffened and turned back to look at him.

“What are you doing?” Eddie asked in a hushed tone, staring at where their hands met.

No choice now but to plunge in. “Eds, Eddie, let’s try this for real. Let me take you on a date. Whatever you want. We can go to the fucking gym if you want. We’ll go slow but- shit Eds, I like you. I never thought I’d feel this way again but I do. Let’s give it a chance.” Once he said it, he didn’t know how he hadn’t realized it before. It was so fucking obvious, how he felt. 

Richie stopped talking. Not because he couldn’t think of more to say but because of Eddie’s expression. It was twisted, angry.

“No.” Eddie yanked his hand away, stepping back. “Richie, no. I can’t- I can’t do this. Whatever you want, I can’t give it to you. I still love Daren with my whole heart. There’s no- there’s no room for someone else. I thought I was clear.” His voice warbled as he spoke, his eyes were already full of tears for the third time that night. Richie reached out, thinking to apologize, to say something, but Eddie kept backing up, shaking his head.

“I need to go.” Eddie added. “You can- can you get back on your own?”

Richie nodded, searching for the right words, anything to make this better, to erase his massive fuck up, but nothing came. Instead, he just watched as Eddie walked away, head buried in his hands. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read much of my stuff you know Bill isn't exactly my fav but I do love his friendship with Eddie and I think he would see things with a slightly more impartial eyes (once he got his foot out of his mouth) 
> 
> Also big eep for the long delay in updating. Honestly what finally motivated me was a really nice message from someone so this is a reminder that authors love encouragement (not in the form of 'when u gonna update?').
> 
> One more chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If I open you, I lose everything I’ve worked towards.” He explained to the bottle. “My friends would be pissed. Sandy’s ghost would probably come back to haunt me. Not in a sexy way either, with a pottery wheel or something, no she’d be all disfigured and scary.” He rubbed his hands over his face, not wanting to admit to himself that seeing her at all was appealing, even if she was decayed. He missed her more now than he had in months. The space that Eddie had filled was vacant, a hole inside of him and the memories of Sandy were starting to fill it. They were weighing him down like cement, keeping him stuck in one place. If he didn’t do something soon, he’d harden, become stuck like that, trapped in memories. 

Richie had stopped going to the meetings. Marcus and some of the others had called him, asking if he was okay and if he needed anything. They were worried, it was obvious from the voicemails and texts. He ignored them. It was a bad idea, Richie knew that he needed them to keep him steady but the idea of seeing Eddie again, of dealing with Eddie’s anger or worse, his disappointment, was too much.

So he stopped going. Cold turkey. It wasn’t the first time he had quit something completely. Richie was an all or nothing person. He didn’t ease into or out of things. He didn’t look for another group, didn’t try to meet with people outside of the meetings. He cut it off completely, knowing that it would be the only way he could move on. 

The only issue was the void it had left. Not just the time he had to fill but the emotional space. The meetings had been the only place that he could talk about Sandy and not get annoying platitudes about how she was in a better place or how she would want him to be happy. The others there understood what he had gone through, they got it. Just like Eddie had understood. It was one of the reasons they had worked so well together. At least, until they didn’t. 

He bought a bottle of whiskey. 

Currently, it was staring at him, telling him to open it, have just one drink. So far he’d managed to refuse the siren’s call. It stood, unopened, on his kitchen counter. When Richie had hit bottom, one of the first things he’d promised himself was no liquor in his house. Drinking in bars, out with friends, he could manage. That was a social thing, fun and lighthearted. But alone in his house, that was the line. Cold turkey. 

“If I open you, I lose everything I’ve worked towards.” He explained to the bottle. “My friends would be pissed. Sandy’s ghost would probably come back to haunt me. Not in a sexy way either, with a pottery wheel or something, no she’d be all disfigured and scary.” He rubbed his hands over his face, not wanting to admit to himself that seeing her at all was appealing, even if she was decayed. He missed her more now than he had in months. The space that Eddie had filled was vacant, a hole inside of him and the memories of Sandy were starting to fill it. They were weighing him down like cement, keeping him stuck in one place. If he didn’t do something soon, he’d harden, become stuck like that, trapped in memories. 

“If I open you, that’s it.” He said, starting to feel angry. “I really am a fuck up. I’m what people have always said. I’d be proving them right.” 

The bottle didn’t respond. 

“I worked really fucking hard to be better than that guy. I’m not him anymore. I’m not the mess that I was.” His voice was raised now and he felt tears forming, pinpricks on the edges of his eye. “I don’t want to be that asshole again.” 

Richie thrived on reactions. He needed them. Needed to see other people respond to his words and actions so he knew he was still there, still existed. The bottle did none of those things. It was cold and unsatisfying to yell at. It offered him nothing except the cold comfort that came from being drunk.

“Fuck.” He stood, wrenching himself away from the bottle and calling Bev. She picked up on the second ring and he started to cry before she even said hello. 

“Richie? Baby, what’s wrong?” Bev’s voice was worried, cautious. “Did something happen?” 

“I miss her.” He cradled the phone, instantly relieved to be talking to another person. “I miss Sandy. And I miss Eddie. I fucked up, Bev. Like I always do.” He’d told them bits and pieces about what happened, more about the good moments than the bad. They’d been happy for him, said they wanted to meet Eddie. Richie had wanted them to meet him. He knew they would all adore each other. 

“Richie,” She spoke quietly, like he was a deer that she was worried about scaring off. “I’m going to call Stan and we’re both going to come over. I’ll pick up a pizza. Can you hold on for twenty minutes? Do you want to stay on the phone?” 

“No.” He swallowed, wiping his face with his sleeve. “I’ll be okay.”

“My phone is next to me, Richie, if you need to call me you can. I’ll be over soon.” 

He nodded, knowing she couldn’t see him. 

She was over in record time. Richie didn’t want to know how many laws she’d broken to get there. 

The first thing she did was pull him into a tight hug, letting him cry on her shoulder until there were no tears left. The second thing she did was pour out the whiskey. Richie watched it go down the drain, grateful that she was stronger than him.

“Stan will be here soon.” She said. Richie nodded. That was good. He wanted them both there, his two unshakeable pillars. 

“I thought we had something.” Richie said twenty minutes later over a Hawaiian pizza. “I thought he was the real deal. I thought I had found someone who could finally help me.”

“Richie.” He was curled up next to her, Bev’s arm around his shoulder. Stan was on the other side, not sitting as tight as them but still there, his leg pressed against Richie’s. “You don’t need help. You don’t need another person. You can date, you can find someone new, but they can’t heal you. Only you can do that.” 

“And you were, Richie. You were doing great.” Stan added. Richie knew he meant it. Stan wasn’t one to dole out fake compliments. “I know this is hard, harder than either of us understand, but we love you and we’ll do whatever we can to help.” 

“When did you get so wise?” He asked, turning his head so he didn’t get snot on Bev. He knew they understood. This wasn’t just about Eddie. It was about having someone in his life. Richie liked Eddie, he saw a future there, but more so he didn’t want to be alone again. He didn’t want the empty bed or dinners for one. He wanted someone in his life, someone to share things with and to watch terrible movies next to. He had really thought that Eddie could be that person, eventually. 

“You aren’t the only one who researched shit when Sandy died.” Stan said quietly, putting a hand on Richie’s knee. “Our best friend lost his partner, you think we didn’t do everything we could to figure out how to help you?” 

For a second, he didn’t respond. He had never thought about what they’d done, how they’d always known what to say or when to push him. It never occurred to him.

Richie wasn’t alone. He may not have had someone to wake up next to but he had his friends, he had Stan’s dry wit and Bev’s beautiful laugh. They had always been there for him. 

“I love you guys.” The words weren’t enough, they didn’t encompass his full admiration and respect for them but they were the best he could do. 

Stan squeezed his hand as Bev said, “Love you too, Richie.” She pushed his hair out of his face. “Do you want to stay with me and Ben again?” As she spoke, her eyes trailed to the empty bottle and Richie knew she was worried about him buying another one when she left. When things had been at their worst, he’d stayed in their guest room, waking up to the smell of Ben cooking and feeling safe and protected. 

Richie shook his head. “No, I’ll be okay. Will you both stay tonight though?”

“Of course.” Stan said. “We can even watch those awful action movies you love.”

“I must be pitiful, if Stan is agreeing to watch Mission Impossible.” Richie said, earning a wiry smile from his friend.

The three of them sat on the couch, watching movies until they all fell asleep. When Richie woke up, he was spooning Bev and Stan’s head was on his thigh. It was like high school, waking up after a sleepover, except with more creaks and groans. Despite the pain in his lower back, Richie felt better than he had in weeks. 

“You should talk to him.” Stan said over Bev’s patented waffles and coffee. 

“Agree to disagree.” Richie replied, shaking his head. “I am pretty sure that I should never ever see or think about him again. That sounds like the healthy, adult option.” 

“Richie.” Bev’s hand was on him. “You deserve closure. Even if things are over between you two, you deserve to say goodbye.”

Richie knew what she wasn’t saying. That he didn’t get to say goodbye in his last relationship. 

“What if I’m not ready to admit it’s over though?” He looked at both of them. “I like Eddie. A lot. It’s not just that he was there, he wasn’t a replacement for Sandy. He was something else, something that could live alongside her.” He had thought about this a lot. Whether he missed Eddie or just missed having someone. While he knew some of it was the latter, most was the former. He liked the guy. Liked how meticulous he was, how he would button up Richie’s coat or how he straightened the mugs every time he walked past them. He liked Edide’s little quirks and habits. 

“I don’t want to lose him.” Richie added, mostly to himself. 

The two glanced at each other and Stan sighed. “It might not be up to you, Richie.” 

It hurt to hear but it was true. Eddie had as much right to end this as Richie did. 

“Besides, once it’s officially over we can egg his car.” Bev said. 

Richie chuckled. “God, he would hate that.” He exhaled. “Fine. Okay. I’ll text him today. I hate when you guys are right.” 

Stan and Bev stayed with Richie for the morning, helping him clean and forcing him to buy actual groceries. 

“You’ll be okay.” Stan said as they were leaving. “And until you are, we’re only a phone call away.”

Richie pulled Stan into a tight hug. “I love you, Stanathy.”

“Yea, yea.” Stan said, shaking his head but hugging Richie back. “I love you too, Trashmouth.”

They left and Richie was alone again. But it wasn’t as awful as yesterday. The corners of the house didn’t loom like they had. Richie exhaled and let himself enjoy the feeling of being comfortable in his home, of being alone but not being lonely. He could do this. 

Then he decided to call Eddie. Except that when he checked his phone, he saw he already had a message from him.

_ ‘Come to the meeting tonight. Please?’  _

Richie swallowed. At least it was one of the better places to be let down easy. He’d have a support network full of shoulders to cry on. 

_ ‘Sure’. _

He arrived later than he meant to, the meeting had already started. And, to his surprise, he heard someone familiar speaking.

“I miss him every day. And on the days I don’t, I feel guilty.” 

Richie followed the voice into the small room and saw that Eddie standing and sharing. 

“Some days I want to get over it, to be over him. It would be so much easier. I could fall in love again. I know it.” Eddie looked over at Richie as he spoke, chewing on his bottom lip. “But then I think about him and I feel guilty for even considering it. For better or for worse, right? I thought the cancer was the worse but lately I’ve been thinking that it’s this. It’s waking up every day and seeing his picture but not him. It’s still seeing his stupid running shoes in the closest because I can’t bring myself to move them. It’s looking for his car in the driveway whenever I get home because I always forget, only for a second, that he’s not there.” Eddie swallowed, eyes scanning the crowd. “I’ve listened to all of you share and heard you talk about how it gets easier, eventually. For the longest time, I thought you were all lying to me but lately I’ve seen glimpses of it, quick flashes. It’s been a two step forward one step back thing for me but at least most days I’m moving in the right direction.” 

Marcus stood, thanking Eddie for sharing and moving onto the next person. Richie knew he should walk over, join the circle, but he couldn’t bring himself too. It felt strange to be there, like he didn’t belong anymore. His hurt wasn’t like theirs anymore. The person he missed the most wasn’t dead, he was sitting in a chair, watching Richie was a strange expression. 

Eddie walked over to him. “Come with me.” He said.

“If I want to live?” Richie quipped, following Eddie into the hallway where they stood for a minute, watching each other. Eddie looked good, better than Richie wanted him to, and he was looking up at Richie with those big eyes that he could never refuse. 

“You were sharing.” Richie finally said, needing to break the silence. “That’s good.” 

“Yea well without all your talking the rest of us finally could.” Eddie said then shook his head. “I didn’t mean that. We all miss you. Edith won’t stop glaring at me, it’s like she knows what happened.” 

“Good ol’ Edith.” 

Another silence fell. Richie was trying to give Eddie space to say what he needed, to let the words out in his own way, but he wasn’t saying anything. All he was doing was watching Richie with a mixture of annoyance and longing. 

“Eds-”

“Richie, I-”

Richie shook his head. “You first.” 

“I can’t forget Daren. I don’t want to. He was my husband. We were together for years.”

“I never asked you to.” Richie said quietly. 

“I know that.” Eddie turned away from him, starting to pace the hallway in tight, small circles. “But when I was with you, I didn’t think about him. For the first time in months, I wasn’t thinking about him. It was so freeing. I was happy. I didn’t think I’d ever feel like that again.” Eddie stopped, swallowed. Richie knew he was holding back tears. “And then I felt so fucking guilty. Being happy, it felt-” He waved his hands, looking for the right word.

“Disrespectful.” Richie supplied.

“Yes! Exactly!” Eddie turned to him, his hand chopping through the air. “Which is insane! Because it's not like Daren wanted me to be alone or sad. He would hate that. But letting you in, it felt like pushing him aside. For years, it was only him. He was number one and everyone else was second. But now if you’re number one, that makes him-”

Eddie stopped. His bottom lip trembled and Richie wanted desperately to reach out for him but he stopped himself. It wasn’t the time.

“Bill said I needed to stop thinking about it like that. He said that my life wasn’t a game of musical chairs, where there were only so many seats and someone was inevitably left out. But- he’s wrong. There are only so many seats. I can only love so many people. Maybe that’s selfish but I can’t help it. My love isn’t a bottomless pit, it’s not endless. It’s finite and it was for him.”

Richie tried to swallow the lump in his throat. None of this was a surprise, he knew how Eddie felt. “Okay, Eds. I understand.”

“No, you don’t!” Eddie turned to look at Richie, his expression fierce. “I want you there. I want to add a chair for you, Richie. You and Daren. Both of you right fucking-” Eddie gesutred to the space in front of him. “There.” 

“But-” Richie didn’t understand. “You said it’s finite.” 

Eddie rushed in, grabbing his hands. “It is. Or I thought it was. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe if I love you, it doesn’t mean I love him less. You can both be there. I want you there, Richie. I want to make room for you.”

“Chairs for everyone.” Richie said. 

A whisper of a smile appeared on Eddie’s face. “Something like that.” He squeezed Richie’s hands, looking down at them. “I’ve missed you. I didn’t realize how big of a part you were in my life until you were gone. I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”

Richie was trying to work through everything Eddie had said. Eddie misunderstood his silence. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want me anymore. I’m high maintenance and prickly and I have enough baggage to fill an entire fucking airplane. I get it.” Eddie started to step back but Richie held tightly to his hands. His thoughts felt thick but he knew one thing- he didn’t want Eddie to leave. 

“No Eds, I want it. I want all that. I want the chair. Give me the chair.” 

“I’m never going to live that metaphor down.” Eddie muttered. 

“No. I’m going to remind you of it every day.” Richie said, taking a breath before continuing. “I want you too, Eds. Not to fill some empty space but to make a new spot next to the old one. You aren’t replacing Sandy and I’m not replacing Daren but I think-” He squeezed Eddie’s hands. “I think we could be something new.” 

“They’d be happy for us.” Eddie said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Oh Sandy would be proud as hell that I found someone with an ass on par with hers.” 

“Richie!” Eddie flushed slightly but smiled. “Daren would be happy that you make me laugh. And that you force me out of my comfort zone.”

Richie’s next sentence was a little quieter but no less important. “We won’t forget them, Eds. I promise.”

“I know.” 

Richie pulled Eddie into a tight hug, relaxing as Eddie’s arms went around him. He felt better than he had in weeks, the anxiety draining away as it sunk in. Eddie wanted this too. He wanted there to be a ‘them’. Something sprang in Richie’s chest, small and fragile but beautiful. It felt like hope. 

“Now what?” Richie asked after a minute, talking into Eddie’s hair. He’d missed the smell of it, how it tickled his nose. “I feel like I should take you on a date. A real one.”

“You should.” Eddie agreed, taking a step towards Richie. “But I think you should take me back to my place first.” His eyes shone and Richie’s face broke into a grin.

“Well I do declare! Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Kaspbrak?”

“Please, Mr. Kaspbrak was my father.” Eddie said, making Richie laugh. “And maybe I am. I already told you I missed you, Richie. Let me show you how much.” 

Richie inhaled sharply as Eddie ran a finger down his chest. This was different than before. Eddie had always just thrown himself into sex. He didn’t want the build up, he just wanted to act. 

“Eds, are you sure?” Richie asked, watching Eddie’s finger stop on his belt. He had to talk quickly before all the blood travelled down. “Because we can take it slow. We don’t have to jump back into what we had before.” 

“Richie, I love that you’re asking and that you care.” Eddie said with a smile. “But I want you to take me home and jump me. We can go on a date after, I don’t care. But right now, I need you.”

And who the hell was Richie to argue with that? Eddie telling Richie what he wanted, looking up at him with dark eyes? He was powerless. 

“Then let’s blow this popsicle stand and get something in that pretty little mouth of yours.” 

Eddie smirked up at him and pulled back, reaching for Richie’s hand and threading their fingers together. The utter ease with which he did it was such a contrast from when Richie had tried before that it startled him. 

Eddie noticed and glanced at their hands. “I meant it, Richie. I’m in this. I can’t promise that it’ll be easy or that I won’t still miss Daren but-”

“You can miss him. You aren’t losing him. Just like I’m not forgetting Sandy.” He squeezed Eddie’s hand. “I don’t want easy, Eds. I want you.” 

Eddie went up on his tiptoes, pressing a kiss to the side of Richie’s mouth. “I want you too.” He whispered. “All your bad jokes and used coffee mugs. How you pointed out every damn squirrel when we went on walks. Waking up to you spooning me. I missed you.”

Eddie said it with the utter fierceness that only he could and Richie loved it. 

“I missed you too. I missed the way your mouth pinched when you were trying not to laugh at my bad jokes. I missed how you know everything about different teas and when to drink them. I miss talking to you about random shit until we fell asleep.” Now that Richie knew he wasn’t going to lose Eddie, he could admit how much the man meant to him, how far he’d wormed his way into Richie’s heart, nestling there alongside Sandy, Bev and Stan. 

“You’ve got me.” Eddie squeezed Richie’s hand and pulled him outside. “My place?” He asked, pausing when they reached their cars. 

“Yea because I also miss Sophie. Like a lot.” 

Eddie laughed. “She misses you too. I think she likes you more than me now.”

“It’s the snausages in my pocket.” Richie said, deciding that he was too far away from Eddie. He moved in, crowding him against his car. He watched for any sign of discomfort but Eddie only stared up at him, his eyes darkening slightly. 

“I’ve heard that line before.” 

Richie laughed, bending down to drag his nose along the column of Eddie’s neck. “Oh yea? Lots of men talking to you about the dog treats in their pockets?” 

Eddie arched into him, his hands resting on Richie’s hips. “Maybe. Are you jealous?” 

“Nah.” Richie kissed Eddie’s pulse point, sucking gently. “Invite them in. Let’s compare snausages.” 

“Dirty.” Eddie’s hands slid under Richie’s untucked shirt, running over his stomach and chest. 

“We’re in a parking lot.” Richie muttered, gasping as Eddie rolled his palm over Richie’s nipple. 

“You started it.” 

With no small effort, Richie drew back. “Get in your car, Kaspbrak. I want to ruin you and I don’t want anyone else to see.”

Eddie laughed and saluted him. “Yes, sir.”

Richie really didn’t need to think about how much he liked that. 

They made it to Eddie’s house in half the usual time, Richie parking right behind him in the driveway and grabbing Eddie’s ass as they walked inside. It earned him a squeak and an indignant look.

Once they were inside, Richie was assaulted by a furry fluff ball. “See? She missed you.” Eddie said, standing aside as Sophie licked Richie’s face. 

“I miss her too. Yes I did!” Richie said, bending down to pet her. He looked up at Eddie and was surprised to see a look of adoration on his face. It made him forget about the dog for now. Instead, he stood and took Eddie’s face in his hands, kissing him deeply.

“Wash your hands.” Eddie mumbled . 

“Hygienic and sexy.” Richie said, releasing him. “What are the other rules for tonight, Eds?” He asked as he went to the sink. He was used to Eddie reminding him where not to touch or telling him exactly what he wanted. 

Eddie came up behind him and threw his arms around Richie, shaking his head. “No rules, Richie. Just us.” 

“Oh.” He turned, wrapping his own arms around Eddie, soaking in how it felt to be held by someone he cared about. 

Then Eddie pulled back and walked away, winking at Richie over his shoulder. Richie scrambled to follow, catching up with Eddie as he entered the bedroom, tackling him onto the bed.

“Are we wrestling?” Eddie laughed, craning to look at him.

“No, you already lost.” Richie said, letting his fingers trail down and tickle Eddie slightly. 

He laughed, bucking up against Richie and squirming. “Stop it!”

“No way.” Richie tickled him more but he’d forgotten how strong the other man was. Eddie moved, flipping them over so he was on top of Richie and attacking his stomach.

“Stop!” Richie tried to cover himself but he was laughing too hard. Eddie’s hand darted out and trapped RIchie’s wrists above his head while his other one continued the attack. 

“Eds!” Richie squirmed under him, his hips bucking up. This continued for a while, long enough that Richie vowed to go to the gym so this was more of a fight. He didn’t mind though, Eddie on top of him, laughing, was one of the best views he’d had in a long time. Both of them were red from laughing when Richie finally got free, reaching his hand under Edide’s shirt and tickling him back until his hand grazed Eddie’s erection.

“Fuck.” Eddie hissed, bucking into Richie’s hand.

“Want me to tickle your pickle?” Richie asked, catching his breath as he ran his palm over Eddie. 

“No, I was thinking-” Eddie flushed a deeper shade of red as he hesitated. 

Richie ran his fingers over the bulge, waiting for Eddie to speak. “What is it, baby? What do you need? Do you want my mouth?”

At the pet name, Eddie grinned. “Yes but not there.”

Richie arched an eyebrow as Eddie took his hand, placing it on his ass. “There?” He asked and Eddie nodded. 

“Fuck yes. Baby, you got it. We just have to reconfigure a little.” He moved Eddie off him, kissing the man as he stood, both shedding their clothes. Richie was practically vibrating with excitement. He had wanted to do this so many times before but Eddie had refused, saying it felt too far. 

Now though, Eddie was laying naked on the bed, his ass in the air and Richie’s hand subconsciously went to his dick, touching himself.

“Fuck, I can’t wait to taste you.” He muttered. 

“Well, get to it.” Eddie demanded, turning to look at Richie with an annoyance that was hard to muster when naked. Richie grinned, leaning over Eddie to kiss him, his hand running over Eddie’s shoulders and back, ending with a quick grab of the ass. When Eddie squeaked, Richie broke the kiss, starting to kiss where his hands had been. He made his way down slowly, kissing and nipping at Eddie’s back then thighs, sucking marks into them that he hoped would be there tomorrow. Eddie was squirming under him, his hips making aborted movements as they sought friction.

“I swear to god, Richie. If you don’t-”

Richie had been kissing Eddie’s ass but now he moved, spreading the man’s cheeks and licking a stripe between them. The reaction was immediate. Eddie cried out, pushing back against Richie’s mouth.

“Okay, as sexy as suffocating between those cheeks would be-” Richie moved, first grabbing a pillow to put under Eddie’s hips and then slinging an arm around them, holding the man still.

“Now, back to business.” Richie used his free hand to spread Eddie’s cheeks, lapping at his hole. Eddie whimpered and tried to press back again but Richie’s arm stopped him. 

“God baby, you really like this.” Richie muttered, running his tongue around the rim, enjoying how Eddie trembled under him.

“It feels really good.” Eddie moaned. He was flush all over, practically trembling as Richie continued. “I never- I didn’t think it would.”

“I’ve got you, baby.” His tongue dove back in, barely breaching Eddie’s hole. He could have done this all day. The sounds Eddie was making were music to his ears and he wanted more of them. 

Richie licked and circled, using his tongue to make Eddie fall apart, ignoring how hard he was. 

Until Eddie reached a hand back, his hand on Richie’s shoulder. “Stop, I’m going to come.”

“That’s the point.” Richie said, pressing a kiss to his hole.

“No.” Eddie took a deep breath. “I want to come with you inside me. I want to ride you.” 

Now it was Richie’s turn to groan, biting Eddie’s ass once more before standing. “I’ll be right back.” He promised as Eddie flipped over. 

“What-” 

Richie darted to the bathroom, opening the cabinet and grabbing Eddie’s mouthwash. Then he gargled, counting to thirty like Eddie had always told him to do. When he spit it out, he turned to see Eddie there, watching him. 

“I wanted to kiss you.” Richie explained.

“Why is that even hotter than you eating me out?” 

Richie grinned, moving in to crowd Eddie against the wall. “Because you’re a freak.” He dipped his head, nuzzling Eddie’s nose. “My freak.” 

“Also way hotter than it should be.” Eddie whispered, pressing his mouth to Richie’s, his tongue exploring Richie’s mouth. Their erections ground together and both groaned, thrusting against each other. Richie resisted the urge to sink to his knees. The thought of blowing Eddie in the hallway was undeniably sexy, watching him fall apart from Richie’s mouth was one of his favorite things. But Eddie had been clear about what he wanted and Richie wasn’t going to stop him. He shifted and picked Eddie up, carrying him to the bed and falling onto it, keeping Eddie on top of him.

“You said something about riding me?” He asked, staring up at the gorgeous, flustered man. 

Eddie grinned down at him, bending down to kiss him again. Unlike any of the other times they’d done this, the kiss wasn’t rushed or hurried, it wasn’t full of teeth and immediate need. This one was slow, it built and crescendoed over Richie, making him grab Eddie’s hair with his hands and hold him close. This was a kiss between lovers, friends and one that promised many more to come. It was their best kiss yet. 

Eddie broke away first, breathing heavily. “Wow.” His eyes were dark and his chest was heaving. It had been a long time since Richie had seen anything so stunning.

“Wow.” He agreed.

Eddie slid back and over Richie’s erection, reminding him why they were there. Teasing, Eddie rubbed against him, making Richie moan. 

“This will be over disappointingly fast if you keep doing that.” He said, his eyes fluttering. 

Eddie laughed, reaching over and grabbing the lube. Then he grabbed Richie’s hand, pouring some over his fingers before running his own hand over them, slicking Richie up. Even that drew a moan from him.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Richie muttered, taking his hand and pushing one finger inside Eddie. The man keened, his hands falling to Richie’s chest. “Take me so well.”

“Richie,” Eddie’s voice was high and needy. “I want you in me. Please.”

“Soon, baby.” Eddie was loose but not loose enough. Richie opened him up as quickly as he could, enjoying how Eddie gasped with each new finger. 

Then, finally, Eddie was rolling the condom on and sliding down onto Richie, making both cry out.

“Richie, you feel so good. Shit.” Eddie closed his eyes, bouncing on him. 

Richie, on the other hand, never wanted to close his eyes again. He wanted to memorize this, everything from the sweat rolling down Eddie’s chest to the small o his mouth made. 

Then Eddie started to move in earnest and Richie knew it wouldn’t be long.

Eddie came first, with Richie’s hand moving over him and his eyes fluttering. Richie wasn’t far behind, his hips snapping up to meet Eddie’s, seeing stars when he came.

Afterwards, they were cleaned up, laying in bed together and Richie dared to ask, “What now?” It was easy to say all the things Eddie had but to act on them, to keep those promises, that was something else.

Eddie reached out, threading their fingers together and kissing Richie’s knuckles. “Now we start the rest of our lives.” 

  
  


**Epilogue- One year later**

“This is the last box, Eds!” Richie said, tossing aside what he hoped was a box of pillows as he went to find his boyfriend. “Eds?”

Their new house was huge, bigger than Richie would have wanted but Eddie insisted. He wanted to be able to host, to invite friends and people from the meetings over. And he wanted a big yard for Sophie.

“You’re spoiled, girl.” Richie said, bending down to pet her. She looked up at him, begging for a treat. 

“As soon as I figure out where they are.” He promised, looking around. When the two of them had decided to move in together, they’d had the long talk about where to live. Ultimately, both agreed that the only option was a new place. Something that was theirs and theirs alone. As much as Richie loathed moving, he had to admit he was excited for their new place. And to not have to leave Eddie whenever he wanted to change his clothes. 

If only he could find his boyfriend.

“Eds? Baby? Did you get swallowed up by the babadook? I told you we shouldn’t have picked the house based on the lgbta basement monster.”

“Shut up.” Someone called. 

Richie grinned, going up the stairs and to their bedroom where Eddie was. He found Eddie in the center of the room, hanging pictures.

“Bit early for that, don’t you think?” Richie asked but he stopped when he saw what Eddie had done.

On the left was a picture of him and Sandy, holding each other on the beach. On the right was Eddie and Daren, the two feeding each other cake. In the center was him and Eddie, so caught up in each other they didn’t even know the photo had been taken until Bev gave it to him a week later. 

“Oh, Eds.” Richie said, standing behind his boyfriend and wrapping his arms around him. 

“I know it’s quick but I wanted them up.” Eddie said, craning his neck to look at Richie. “Do you like it?” 

Richie dropped a kiss to Eddie’s forehead. “Baby, I love it.” 

“I think they’d be proud of us.” Eddie said, running his fingers over Richie’s arm.

“Damn proud.” Richie agreed, nuzzling Eddie. They stood there for a minute, admiring the pictures. The past and the present, finally sharing a space. Then Richie pulled back, kissing Eddie once more. “Come on, let’s order some dinner and get to unpacking. I’ll even let you pick the place.”

“Oh, cleaning and control. You do know me.” Eddie said, letting Richie grab his hand and lead him into the hall.

“Damn straight I do.” Richie bent down once more to kiss him, thinking about everything that had led them there, the ups and the downs, how far they’d come and how far they had to go. Richie didn’t know what the future held but he couldn’t wait to find out, especially with Eddie by his side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! I really loved this fic and this chapter specifically so the comments and feedback mean everything to me :D


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